Category Archives: All the Golf Songs

We’ll Hope for Birdies in the Spring Again

We’ll Hope for Birdies in the Spring Again
– from the film Perchance to Dream, ‘We’ll gather Lilacs in the spring again’

We’ll hope for birdies in the spring again,
When our arthritis let’s us swing again,
And Ibuprofen has relieved the pain,
So we can play once more.

And through the winter by the firelight’s glow,
We’ll close our eyes and visualise the flow
Of how the swing’s rotation ought to go,
As we doze off and snore.
……….
And though spring’s far away,
And my game’s sad and grey,
I have a dream, a scheme to try.

I’m reading Hogan’s book.
I know how I should look,
When I swing thro-ough, balls will fly.

If I turn back within the plane,
I’ll find the perfect swing to make, again.
……….
And when the spring comes and we’ve cleaned our clubs,
And massaged limbs with analgesic rubs,
Then we discover we’re the same old dubs,
When we add up our scores.

So come and join us in the clubhouse bar.
Let’s stop pretending we’re not what we are.
We’ll just remember those shots straight and far –
Why should we ask for more.

Jungle Golfer

Bobby Jones:

“Stewart Maiden universally is termed my teacher, and the general idea is that Stewart started teaching me as soon as I fell out of the cradle. This is quite wrong – I picked up my game watching him play, unconsciously, as a monkey and as imitatively.”

(RT Jones & OB Keeler: Down the Fairway; Geo. Allen & Unwin, 1927, p.43-4)

Jungle Golfer

[Tune: I wanna be like you – R & R Sherman]

I wanna be a king of the swingers, oh!
A golfing V.I.P.
But my game’s a flop, hit a full stop,
And that’s what’s botherin’ me.
I wanna be a golfing hero
And get my handicap down,
And be just like you other guys,
I’m tired of foozlin’ round.

Oh, oobee do,
I wanna drive like you-oo.
I wanna chip like you,
Putt like you, too-oo.
I hope it’s true-oo,
If I copy you-oo,
I can get to swing as well as you do too.

-oo-be-do-be-dobee
I can get to swing as well as you do too.

Go Slow Back

Sam Snead:

To overcome this rushing habit, go out on the practice tee and make yourself conscious of a perceptible pause at the top of the backswing. This will get you into an automatically slower pattern. (p.36)

[Sam Snead on Golf; Nicholas Kaye, 1961, p.36]

Go Slow Back

[Tune – Blue Danube – J Strauss II]

Go … slow … back … then … swish the clubhead through,
Keep holding your balance as you do.
Your balls will fly high – fly high – fly high
Up through the blue sky – blue sky – blue sky
The rhythm is slow – go slow – go slow
Just let the club flow – just flow – just flow
Turn … back … then …  unwind
And you’ll find
A new con-fi-dence will grow.

The Scratchman

The Scratchman

[Tune: The Policeman’s song – A Sullivan]

When the dedicated golfer’s not a-golfing, not a-golfing,
When the scratchman isn’t honing up his swing, up his swing,
He loves to watch the Pros upon the tele, on the tele,
And see their many birdies dropping in, dropping in.

When he isn’t busy practising his putting, -sing his putting,
Or chipping all his chip shots to the green, to the green,
He loves to join the Golf Club’s Seniors playing, Seniors playing,
And to contemplate the humour of the scene, O-ho…
He loves to join the Golf Club’s Seniors playing, Seniors playing,
And to contemplate the humour of the scene, of the scene.

Dr Golf

Dr Golf

[Tune: The cod liver oil song ; starting with chorus – Traditional]

Oh doctor, oh doctor, oh dear Dr John,
Your advice on the swing is so clear and so strong –
You take up your address and your torso you coil,
And you keep both your feet lightly placed on the soil.

Your shoulders you turn just through ninety degrees,
Maintaining that wee bit of flex in your knees,
Your arms take an arc t’wards the nape of your neck.
Then you swish them back do-own, don’t hold them in check.

The club it should hinge with the wrists like a flail,
But that’s just the point where my best efforts fail.
The key to success is in timing, you say,
But co-or-din-ation is not my forte.

Oh doctor, oh doctor, oh dear Dr John,
Your skill it is great and your patience is long,
And I’m sure I’ll keep trying, as long as I live,
To put into practice the advice that you give.

Putting Psalm

Putting ‘Psalm’

[Tune: an ‘Anglican Chant’]

O Lord * now lettest thou my | putts go in : and calm my | trembling hands.
For I have bought a new dynamically-balanced-in-line putter * with reflex shaft | and mill-ed face : which should be | my salvat-ion.
I have marked * lifted * and | cleaned my ball : and replaced it with the maker’s name on the line of the putt * as | most profess’nals do.
I have picked out a spot 6 inches in front of the ball * over which to roll it on its | way to the hole : as reco-|mmended by Jack Nicklaus.
I have addressed my ball with my feet * knees * hips * shoulders * and eyes * parallel | to the line : so that if I were to drop another ball from the bridge of my nose * it would strike the | ball upon the ground.
But * thou knowest Lord * that if I were actually to do this * I would incur a penalty stroke under Rule Eighteen | 2 (a) (ii) : so that point is for | illustrat-ion only.
I am taking the putter back square | to the line : and accelerating it smoothly through the ball a- | long the line of putt.
I will not lift up mine eyes to see where the | ball has gone : but I will wait * and harken * until I hear it… dropping…… into…… the……. cup……….
Almighty God * the damned ball’s still | 4 feet short : O Lord * why dost thou tor- | ment us with this game.
In the name of Harry Vardon * Bobby Jones * and | Henry Cotton : putts without | end.

A-a-a-men.

On-the-GreenSmall

Through Holy Grip

Harry Vardon on the Grip

So here we come to the to the first important point concerning the grip. It is that, whether the hands overlap or not, the thumbs and forefingers must be placed so as to shape into V’s…it is the desirability of having the hands contiguous which constitutes the great recommendation for the overlapping grip. For, with that method of holding the club, the two hands become practically one. They are wedded, and if the ceremony of wedding them is properly performed and a little forebearance be shown at the outset, when minor discomforts may be experienced, I can promise that they will live happily together ever after.

[Harry Vardon : How to Play Golf; Methuen, 1912, pp.82-3]

Through Holy Grip, our Swing’s Controlled

[Tune: Come Holy Ghost, our souls inspire – Veni Creator (Mechlin)]

Through Ho-oly Gri-ip our swi-ing’s controll’d
By Vardon’s o-overla-apping hold.
The li-ittle fi-inger o-of the right
Rides on left i-index fi-inger’s height. [*]

The ve-es of thu-umb and fi-inger joint
O’er our right sho-oulder bo-oth must point.
The pre-essure o-of our gri-ip is light
So ‘gainst our wri-istcock i-it won’t fight.

When we-e stand u-up at o-our address
In both our fo-orearms the-ere’s no stress.
Then a-as our swi-ing speed do-oth increase
We may achie-eve a free-e release.

This i-is the wa-ay to ma-ake our swing
A wholly, pu-ure and beau-uteous thing.
And gi-ives our ba-all its heavenward flight
That sees it so-oaring o-out of sight.

[*For left-handers-
The li-ittle fi-inger o-of the left
Rides in right i-index fi-inger’s cleft.]

Hands, Knee, and…

Hands, knee and boomps-a-daisy

[Tune: Hands, knees and boomps-a-daisy – Music Hall song]

Hands, knee, a-n-d… boomps-a-daisy
That’s how we make a good swing.
Hands, knee, a-n-d… boomps-a-daisy
That’s how we give our shots zing.

Ta-ra-ra-ra-ra….

Hands, knee, and turn back lazy,
Club, arms and shoulders as one;
First hips, then hands, come through like crazy,
That’s how our downswing is swung.

is swung.

Hands, knee, and boomps-a-daisy
That’s how we make a good swing.
Hands, knee, and boomps-a-daisy
That’s how we give our shots zing.

Ta-ra-ra-ra-ra

Hands, knee, and turn back lazy,
Club, arms and shoulders as one;
First hips, then hands, come through like crazy,
That’s how our downswing is swung.

WITH ACTIONS:

On “hands”
– rotate the shoulders, arms and club until the hands pass the right knee

On “knee”
– lean the left knee towards the right knee, which holds still, as the arms swing to the top and the wrists cock

On “boomps-a-daisy”
– slide the hips to the left and then let them turn open to the hole as the arms swing down and through.

Swing Slow

H.F.C. Everard on preparation:

A wise man, therefore, will allow himself ample time for a few preliminary drives, to put his muscles into working order, for to arrive at the teeing-ground flurried and late is to court disaster at the outset.

[H.F.C.Everard: Golf in Theory and Practice; G.Bell & Sons, 1910, p.190]

Swing Slow Old Golfing Man..

[Tune: Swing Low, Sweet Chariot – Traditional]

Swing slow, ol’ golfin’ man
It’s a quicker way to the hole;
Swing slow ol’ golfing man,
For maximum carry and roll.

Up in the mornin’ and rush to the tee
Seeking maximum carry and roll;
Head still spinnin’ an’ stiff as can be,
Swing’s right out o’ control.

Swing slow, ol’ golfin’ man
It’s a quicker way to the hole;
Swing slow ol’ golfing man,
For maximum carry and roll

Ol’ Sam Snead – he swung free,
He got maximum carry and roll.
He said, “Fella, take a tip from me,
Swing slow for carry and roll.”

The scientific study of ‘maximum carry and roll’ was advanced by Professor PG Tait in the 1890’s, assisted by his golfing son Freddie. See the following websites:
http://www-history.mcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/HistTopics/Tait_golf.html
http://www.maths.ed.ac.uk/~aar/papers/taitbio.pdf

Nursery Putting

The Mark G. Harris Putting method:

The putting stroke is a full stroke in miniature but there are two other salient points…The first is the most pronounced crouch or bend over the ball…The centre of the putting swing…is the top of the spine between the shoulder blades. In the position which Mr. Harris adopts, the axis on which his shoulders rotate is practically parallel with the green. If anyone should know of any better mounting for a pendulum I would be interested to hear of it and be it remembered that the ideal putting stroke comes very near to the pendulum action.

[P.A. Vaile: Putting Made Easy, the Mark G. Harris Method; Reilly & Lee, Chicago, 1935, p.33]

 

Nursery putting

[Tune: Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man – Traditional]

Eye Off the BallSepia

Swing like a pendulum, Putting Man,
Swing back and through just as smooth as you can;
Don’t peek when you’ve hit it, but count up to five:
– one – two – three – four – five –
Your reward will be hearing your ball take the dive.
Your ball take the dive,
Your ball take the dive,
Your reward will be hearing your ball take the dive.