Category Archives: Occasions

The Captain’s Lament

The Captain’s Lament

[Tune: Men of Harlech – Traditional]

Please, dear golfer please don’t bore me
With that stale and oft-told story,
How the 4-ball just before ye
Caused the whole delay.

All you golfers pull together,
Just enjoy this lousy weather.
Give this round your best endeavour.
Don’t hold up the play.

If you hit an air-shot,
Play an ‘It went where?’ shot,
Through the green don’t make a scene,
Keep swearwords out of earshot.

Golf will always test your spirit,
Try your patience to the limit,
Keep your head – you yet may win it-
This may be your day.


Golfer Trophy Small 2

The Captain’s Drive-in

The Captain’s Drive-in.

[Tune: We’ll keep a welcome in the hillsides – TH Morgan]

All around you voices singing
“Now has come the time”,
For your drive-in as our Captain
As you join the illustrious line…

We’ll keep a welcome on the fairways.
We’ll keep a welcome at the bar,
And now we all will stand here watching
As you drive off true and far.
All at the Club here will support you
And your swing that never fails;
And we will all here swing beside you,
As each member his Captain hails…
And we will all here swing beside you,
As each member his Captain hails.

[Suggest Barry Male Voice Choir on You Tube as the ‘model’ for practice, – without their repeats of the verse ]

Anniversary Dinner

Anniversary Dinner

[Tune: Harrow School song ‘Forty Years On’ – J Farmer]

[Now 10] years on and much larger in number
Gathered to dine are the Seniors[Vet’rans] today.
When we look back and forgetfully wonder
Just how appalling’s the golf that we play.
Now it may be that new hope will come o’er you,
Glimpses of birdies shall still draw you on,
Visions of eagles shall float there before you,
As to you bogies, you still hack along.

Follow through! Follow through!
Follow through! Follow through!
‘Don’t look up’ is the constant refrain,
As we swing at the ball once again.
Follow through! Follow through!

[Now 10] years on, growing older and older,
Shorter in wind and our memory gone,
Feeble of foot and rheumatic of shoulder,
What will it help us that once we were strong?
O the great days in the distance enchanted,
Days of fresh air in the rain and the sun,
How we’ve rejoiced as we struggled and panted,
Hardly believable, [10 years] have gone.

Follow through! Follow through!
Follow through! Follow through!
‘Don’t look up’ is the constant refrain
As we swing at the ball once again.
Follow through! Follow through!

Prize Day

Prize Day – Come Cheer up you Losers

[Tune: Hearts of Oak – WM Boyce]

Come cheer up you losers, don’t envy the fame
Of those who win trophies and play a great game;
No, just swallow your sorrow, and drink down your beer,
Without all us losers, there’s no winners here.

Hearts of oak, golfers all, Hearts of oak, Golfing Men,
To swing, are you ready?
Ready — Swing — Steady
We’ll swing and we’ll slice them again and again.

We n’er tee our ball but we wish it away,
We n’er take our swing but we send it astray,
If we do hit a straight one, it’s quite a surprise
And we hope against hope that we might win a prize.

Hearts of oak, golfers all, Hearts of oak, Golfing Men,
To swing, are you ready?
Ready — Swing — Steady,
We’ll swing and we’ll hook them again and again.

In our dreams of golf glory, we sink all our putts,
We make our drives fly — or else we’ll go nuts…
Keep your head still, my lads, and your eye on the ball
And may golf fame and fortune descend on you all.

Hearts of oak, Golfers all, Hearts of oak, Golfing Men,
To swing, are you ready?
Ready — Swing — Steady,
We’ll swing and we’ll smite them again and again.

Trophy Div 3 Small

Golf Is a Many-Splendour’d Thing

Golf is a many splendour’d thing

[Tune: Love is a many splendour’d thing – S Fain]

Golf is a many splendour’d thing
The long putt holed,
The pitch so bold,
And the perfect swing.
When you cream a lovely draw ball
To th’amazement of your fourball…
Golf’s a many splendour’d thing – Oh sing!

Golf has its melancholia too.
When the east wind blows
On your frozen nose
And your hands turn blue;
And your partner keeps tut-tutting
At your imbecilic putting,
It tries the patience of the Holier’you.

Spring sees my golfing spirits rise.
The birdies all,
With their siren call,
Wake my sleeping eyes.
To the sunlit tee I hurry
And I swing without a worry,
And win the annual Rabbit’s Prize – Surprise!
I’ve won the annual Rabbit’s Prize.

WoodenSpoon Prize

On Each Golf Day Morning

On each Golf Day Morning

[Tune: Molly Malone – J Yorkston]

On each [Golf-day] morning
Just as day is dawning
With golfers assembling
To welcome the day,
He grabs a quick coffee
And ‘ere he tees off — he
Enquires what the game is
That he’s due to play.
Oh, What are we playing? Oh, What are we playing?
Is it Texas, Or Medal or Stableford play?

To start off the morning
Debates who is scoring
And if the card’s special
For marking today.
Handicaps are then written
And pencils much bitten,
As he tries to remember
The right rules of play.
Oh, What are we playing? Oh, What are we playing?
Is it Texas, or Medal or Stableford* play?

*For more on the Stableford scoring system :

http://www.glamorganshiregolfclub.co.uk/pages.php/page/1504deee-742b-11e1-b768-bc305bd9eec9/view.html

Give Me One Decent Score

 

Give me one decent score

[Tune: Give me five minutes more – J Styne]

Give me one decent score, just the one decent score.
Only one decent score on my card.
Is it too much ask, Herculean a task,
Just the one decent score on my card.
I get here every [Wednesday] at a quarter to eight,
Our boss-man, that’s our captain, says I mustn’t be late.
Give me one decent score, just a three or a four,
Please just one decent score on my card.

One-Decent-Score

Off Scratch Today

Off Scratch Today

[Tune: Good Christian men rejoice – Traditional]

Good golfing men, rejo-oice,
With heart and soul and voi-oice
Give ye heed to what we say,
[Bill] is down to scratch today.
Handicappers – to him bow.
Are we jealous – yes, and how!
[Bill’s] off scratch toda-ay.
[Bill’s] off scratch today.

How Does He Swing So Beautifully

How does he swing so beautif’ly

[Tune: Why was he born so beautiful; birthday song – Traditional]

How does he swing so beautif’ly?
How does he swing at all?
He shifts his weight from side to side
You’d swear he’ll miss the ball.

And yet his shots fly far and true
The watchers stand amazed.
Our birthday wish is one day soon
He’ll score below his age.