This Old Man’s a Golfer

This Old Man’s a Golfer

[Tune: My Old Man’s a Dustman – Lonnie Donegan]

[Intro: This is a moral story/ I think you all should know/ How normal men go round the bend/ When golf takes them in tow….]

This ol’ man’s a golfer
He’s bought his golfer’s hat
He’s read right through the Dress Code
And he’s learnt it all off pat.
He’s soft spikes on his golf shoes,
Wears sporting socks with pride
But he never sports them on the course
With his trousers tucked inside.

[Music – reprise]

In summer he’s partic’lar
No football shirts for ‘im.
His golfing shorts are tailor made
To make his bum look slim.
A tracksuit is a no-no
And denim jeans won’t pass.
If he turns up in a singlet
Then he’s kicked out on his ear.
[…ear! ear! Quite right too! Kick ’em out!]

[Music – reprise]

This ol’ man the golfer,
He wears his golfer’s hat
He’s a collar on his golf shirt
And he’s getting used to that.
He’s learnt to take his hat owf
When he comes into the bar —
(slower) But if he’s had an ‘ole-in-one
He sneaks off in his car. [Whoooo.!…Boooo.!…]

[Music – reprise first four lines – then conclude…]

With stage-fright we ol’ warblers
Through dinner we have sat,
But now our entertainment’s done
And that, dear friends, is that.

[The tune of the original Lonnie Donegan song.]

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