Waltzing McGolfer

Waltzing McGolfer

[Tune: Waltzing Matilda – Traditional]

When an honest workman reaches his retirement
‘What shall I do with my time ?’ says he.
Up speaks his wife, ‘I hope you’ll do the Hoovering’ — [pause]
He thinks that golf might be his cup of tea.

Come to the golf club, come to the golf club,
You come a-golfing with my pals and me.
Watching ‘The Open’ imagining he’s Mickleson,
He thinks that golf might be his cup of tea.

Takes up his laptop and navigates to e-ebay
Searches for golf clubs and what does he see —
Right there before him with-ou-out any bids put in
A full set and starting at 99p!

Comes to the golf club, down at our golf club,
He comes a-golfing with my pals and me.
As he strides to the 1st tee imitating Mickleson,
He thinks that golf might be his cup of tea.

Tees up a pick-up, ta-akes out his dri-iver,
Makes a few practice swings – one-two-three.
Steps up to his ball – ta-akes an almighty swipe,
But, sad to say, his ball stays on its tee.

Down at the golf club, home from the golf club,
After he’s downed a beer or three,
Says to himself as he drives back home disconsolate
‘I think that golf’s made a fool out of me.’

Now, 5 years on, he’s joined up with Seniors,
Playing the course quite frequently.
His style of play isn’t yet quite up to Mickleson’s,
But, on his best day, he’s off 23.

Golf with the Seniors, golf with the Seniors,
Out with his four-ball, how happy is he,
Hacking around among this jolly fellowship,
Long may it last, friends, for him and for me.

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